Super Fox Sauce: Why “Forgiveness” is the best thing for healing.
Challenge: Forgive yourself for a mistake you’ve made. Even if you think you don’t deserve it. (Period. No judgement.)
Share! Tell me about the guilt you felt about something you did. Have you forgiven yourself? Or not? Why? (Post your experience in the “Comment Box” below.)
How do I forgive myself when I’ve done something wrong? If I were to give advice to a friend regarding the guilt they feel when they fuck-up, (a harsh word, but one that reflects the accurate feeling) what advice would I give to them? Do I give myself the same gentleness, humility and grace of being human when I think I’ve made a mistake? Find a picture of yourself as a child, and imagine a person scolding the mini-you (or your child) using the same words you tell yourself when you make a mistake. Do you feel like throat-punching the person? The shaming words shouted are probably comparable to the iconic drill-sergeant (Hartman) in Full Metal Jacket (millennials: Google it)
In other words, be brave, and put on your “big-girl” pants; think about how you could have honored yourself better [besides being stubborn and giving your power away to someone else?] Someone might think: “I should be angry at myself; I should have never let that happen (while you obsess about your “wrong-doings”.) Everyone has the right to feel any way they want about something They also have the right to decide how they will process their emotions; however, if someone is consumed by their feelings of worthlessness– they cripple their ability to find a solution which honors their values.
Emotions allow you to process feelings; resentment halts emotional intelligence. My point is: what are the underlying feelings behind your personal “unforgiving oath” clause?” Is it empowering and peaceful? Sad and worthless? Or dismissive and angry? “Anger” is empowering because it encourages action; sadness creates a feeling of hopelessness.
In order to truly find peace in a hurtful situation, I must feel the pain, forgive the crime, and set a boundary—for myself. If I stay angry, I just give my itty bitty shitty committee (or the judgmental douche) power –did you catch the word “douche?” Let me channel my inner-Buddha and find a more forgiving phrase: “If you allow the wrong-doings of others or yourself to poison your heart, you “sign, seal, deliver” your self-worth in a shiny, seductive box.” Sorry, my Buddha channeled Aretha Franklin in that last bit, but you know what I mean. If I allow myself to be consumed by guilt and shame, I will never learn to trust myself or my intuition when I have to make a difficult, important decision.
So be brave! Look at your shit. Tell me how you beat yourself up. Then tell me why you think you do it? Do you feel the value in self-forgiveness (and the forgiveness of others too?)